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Day 41: This moment of Joy

November 24, 2023

The last couple of weeks have been marked by doctor’s visits, scans, blood tests and some quite intrusive internal examinations. It’s definitely been a time to put my dignity aside!

Today I got another text message from the doctor’s office – “The result of your recent test has been received and a further test is advised. Please contact the surgery.”

A couple of weeks ago, when this all started, I confess I panicked a little. My mind went right to the “Big C” and on that first night, I lay awake planning what I would do if the worst happened.

Since then though, I’ve been practicing two things – bringing my attention to this moment, and gratitude.

The importance of presence was something I learned from a book called, “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. I’ve also listened to his audio book, “Journey into Yourself” over 10 times now – this particular skill has taken (nae, IS taking) a lot of practice!

But today it paid off and I did something that brought joy.

Today, my son got home from school and wanted to watch his iPad earlier than we normally agree. I didn’t want a fight so rather than saying no, I said, “But what if I want to make you a hot chocolate and hear all about your day and then play with you?” His face lit up and we hugged / wrestled for a further 5 minutes before he went to get changed and I made his hot chocolate.

By the time he had finished his hot chocolate, he only had 9 minutes left until his screen time could start, and he chose for us to play “Teachers” in that time. At the end of the 9 minutes, he asked, “Do we have to stop mummy? I’m really enjoying playing. Can we carry on?” So we did.

When he finally decided he’d had enough, he took my hand and asked me to come downstairs with him so we could sit and watch his iPad together. This almost NEVER happens! He’s very territorial about his iPad!

I felt a connection with him today that I haven’t had for quite a while. I think it happened because I gave him my full attention. I wasn’t thinking about work or how boring the game was. My mind wasn’t on the medical tests. Nor was it jumping into a future where it does that helpful catastrophising thing with worst case “what if” scenarios – aren’t anxious minds a delight sometimes!?

Anyway, none of that happened. I stayed in the moment and it was a joy to play with him and I know he felt it too.

So that’s what I’m banking from today. It’s taken 41 days but I’ve finally experienced that moment where joy gets transferred and felt by someone else. It’s delightful!

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