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Day 60: Veering all over the road

December 13, 2023

Have you ever played an arcade driving game? Do you remember what it was like when you first played and you had no skill (I am still there but perhaps you got better!) Remember how you veered all over the road, constantly overcorrecting for the previous over correction?

That’s what life can feel like when it’s out of balance. That’s certainly where I end up when I try too hard, then give up, then find a little ease, then try to get more, then try too hard…

When I imagine what the most joyful person in the world might be like, I imagine someone who finds everything amusing or interesting, someone who sees all experiences as a chance for adventure.

Oh, I might be made redundant at work? That could be interesting. I wonder how my family will cope if we lose the house…could be great fun! A chance to spend more time with my family and live in a smaller place where we’re all in the same room a lot more!

Although this is what I imagine, I believe it to be ludicrously unrealistic and know I will NEVER be such a person. Then again, as Jim Kwik says, “If you argue for your limitations, you get to keep them.”

Whether my vision is realistic or unrealistic, I’m well aware that joy requires me to lighten up – yet, when I think about how to do that, I think only about food, booze, and frivolous spending – all of which bring pleasure but hardly ever joy.

So, almost 60 days in, I’m still a little confused about the goal here. It’s funny how often we think we understand the words we’re using but when it comes time to take action, we have no clear idea what to do.

Perhaps doing the board and journalling I committed to on Day 58 will help me figure it out.

I’m beginning to see why those who pursue a spiritual path devote entire lifetimes to figuring out and living by the teachings they follow. I doubt I’ll even have scratched the surface by the time my little 100 day exploration is over.

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